March 27, 2026

Man, life kinda sucks right now, huh? Living in a fascist AI dystopia really eats at a guy.

I haven't written anything in a long while. I've been in a REALLY heavy depressive episode for a while now; it's been hard to get out of bed or take care of myself. I kind of hate life right now? I dunno. Just really not liking myself very much and feeling lots of dysphoria and wishing I was somebody different.

I've been buying too much stuff. Movies and comics. What I should be doing is going through my backlog of things I already have, right? It's hard when every "third space" requires money these days, and I don't have anybody to go out with anyway. Going to Half-Price Books or the used movie store, or getting food, those are the only things that get me out of the house anymore. It reminds me of when I used to smoke, and smoking is what got me to go outside, even if only for ten minutes at a time.

I feel devoid of any creative energy of any kind. I used to want to write movies, direct, act; I have a graphic novel story just waiting in my head, waiting for me to draw it, and bigger ideas for fictions I want to develop....... but why bother? For who? It's easy for someone (family, friends, therapist), to say "do it for yourself!", but the things I want to make are not for me. Some art is for the artist themselves - Goya never meant to show off his hidden, dark paintings - but some art is made to be seen and to affect an audience. I don't want my art to sit solely within my head, but who would I make it for? It feels pointless in this world where art is devalued, where creativity and enthusiasm and happiness are seen as cringe; where every single fucking thing, every sentence and body part and character, is sexualized to the point of absurdism; where prompt-writing, bottomfeeding AI scum-fucks steal everything for their own stupid, soulless, hateful, anti-creative drek. It's hard to see a point to anything. This AI shit really feels like it's going to be the downfall of our society. You can be reductive if you want, call me a doomer and roll your eyes, but seriously; making art - whether that's music, drawing, dancing, singing, telling stories, making things - is such a fundamental, innate part of being a human. Even our earliest ancestors, who we would barely recognize as being fellow humans, knocked rocks together and danced and sang with each other. It's what sets us apart from other animals, our need to create art. But we've gotten to a point where capitalism has perverted us and twisted us, telling us that art is not an innate human trait, but rather it's a Moneymaking Skill that only some people can do; capitalism tells us that there are Artists and Non-Artists, and has created a narrative that Artists gatekeep from Non-Artists, creating a rivalry that exists solely within the brains of the people who think that they are Non-Artists. I'm not going to pretend that every person has the innate ability to draw beautiful art, or make moving music. There are definitely people whose skills lie more in the creative side, and those whose skills lie more in concrete endeavors like math and analysis; and that's good, society needs both. But capitalism tells us to obsess over The End Result, rather than The Process; to focus on nothing but the monetary value of a skill or a property or what have you. It says, "Look, Non-Artist: these Artists are making MONEY, and YOU AREN'T. Those scummy Artists are KEEPING SECRETS FROM YOU. They have something you'll NEVER have."

And that's why they turn to AI. Focusing solely on The End Result, and believing the narrative that artists are gatekeeping them, hiding away some magic money secret, they have created these End Result Machines to spit out shitty, soulless, inhuman facsimilies of art. AI is truly a cancer, spreading so fast and poisoning our society in too many ways to keep track. How the fuck do we put this genie back in the bottle? Is it even possible? Or are we witnessing the devaluation of an innate piece of what makes us human, to the point that real creatives are being pushed out of creative spaces, creative jobs?

I'm not some noble artist fighting the power, fighting AI with optimism and spreading my own art to combat the robots; I am resentful, and angry, and tired, and sad. Why should I bother giving my art to a world that will ignore it, or worse, pervert my characters into hypersexual, "goonerized" trash? I hate this fucking world.

There's a bunny rabbit who's been trapped in my building's underground parking garage for a few days. I set out a cage trap with some carrots and snap peas, and once they're caught I'll take them outside to the bushes and let them go back to their family.